If you could turn back time, how far back would you go?
Way back. Ancient times. Maybe back to the times of Roman crusades and epic battles, old world philosophy and the peace before religion went and mucked everything up. Though I'd want to have a sex change before going back that far because hell I wouldn't want to get stuck out of the stabbing and chopping people to bits. Not even just that though, I just never really feel like I belong in this time period. I wish there were no roads and major cities, just endless wandering...trying to just survive and having everyday HAVE to be an adventure. No lazin' around on the couch watching mind numbing television shows and rotting your brain staring at a computer screen. Meeting people and just interacting without there being social classes or expectations and no sense of "what am I getting if I help you" just helping people because you can. People in our day are so stuck in their own bubble, I will say "hello" to a stranger and they look almost offended that I acknowledge their existence.
I made CCRG but on a conditional pass. The email stated that there were "concerning issues" that they wanted a coach to speak with me about. I really have no idea what it's about, I don't think I messed up anymore than those who made it no problem. So now I am in suspence waiting for an email to set up a meeting with Reckless Ndangerment. Though for the time being I'm going to celebrate that I didn't get a plain "no" and whatever the conditions are I'll do them to be on the team. I've already finished off my last pack of cigarettes and I'm more than willing to give that up so that I can really do this to the best of my own ability.
I want this. I want it more than pretty much anything right now.
I want to start filling my life with things that I love to do. I love skating and I love roller derby and all the people that have now become part of my life because of it. There's nothing that will put me off of really trying.
Along with that I'm getting fed up with the business in which I work with which is giving me the motivation to get the FUCK out and start working in the field that I desire. I will be looking into my classes and start going around to different shops and offering any kind of work I can do for them. Even if I could just start off working as a secretary at a shop. I want my freedom to be myself and do what I want with my life, with my apperance.
Next week I'll be coming up to PA for a couple days. Dawn and I started talking again...I really have missed talking to her, she actually listens and has the time to talk too which is a bit of a change. She's paying for me to take a bus up there and she's taking me along to see Jeff Dunham Wednesday night. I get a couple days to hang out and see my lovvies...Alicia, Joe and whoever else wants to hang out. Dawn and I are going to come back down here Saturday since she said she really wants to kind of get out of WB for a bit, we're going to go down to the bout and then I told her she can stay Sunday or till whenever she wants. Just I only took off until Saturday so if I work she's welcome to stay and do her thing if I have to work. It should be a fun time.
- Music:Kings of Leon
I had a dream that Alicia and I were searching for Cocoa in a forest. There was an abandoned Victorian style house on a hill, and a Nightmare Before Christmas-esque graveyard, it was day time but we were looking around there and searching through the house. We went into the basement and there was a bunch of old tools and woodwork. There was a woman who came around at some point, she was older like maybe 45 or 50, her skin looked weather and her was really tan like a farmer's wife or something. Somehow we found out that she had found cocoa and was doing sexual things to her. I don't know why, or what brought it about but we had to steal cocoa back and it turned into night, we were running through the graveyard calling for cocoa follow us. That was when my alarm went off and I went to work thinking that it was a really fucking weird dream.
...Yeah so now I got to go to work again. >.< Ugh.
What was your favorite childhood cartoon, and why?
When I was little I always liked the classic Tom and Jerry. My Little Pony was mine and my sister's shit back in the day. Lol. Hey Arnold, Doug, and Invader Zim.
Now a days I still enjoy Chowder a lot. :) Radda radda.
Growing Pain by Ludacris featuring some people...I like that song a lot lately.
Try outs are in 8 days!!! Ahhhh! I'm so excited/anxious/nervous. This is my first time ever being involved in a real sport and having to try out for one too. Plays and chorus try outs have scattered my past but that's not as nerve wracking for me, I'm comfortable in those areas but sports and athletism isn't something that I'm comfortable. I'm pretty quick on my feet though and after I have about a hour and a half to warm up I really start skating a bit risky, lol. I've become one of those assholes jumping around the rink.
For the past 5 days or so I've kept my cigarette consumption under 4 per day. I'm going to try to just smoke one cigarette a day starting the 1st until try outs. The derby girls are really supportive which is encouraging considering everyone else I hang out with are pack a day smokers so I'm not getting much help there.
Well I'm in between jobs right now, gotta get all dressed up and pretty for Sully's. Shang's coming in tonight, he hasn't visited us in forever so I gotta look prime tonight. Lol. >.< I hate the industry in which I work.
I always start off my posts with how shitty I am about posting anymore. But I am shitty at it and I always feel bad when I don't update, I really wish I did write more and try to be more elequent with how I write. Oh well.
Alicia and Joe were supposed to come visit with Lisa and her g/f but that didn't happen, they were supposed to come down friday and stay until midday sunday. Lisa ended up having to work though so they can't come, though I still have the bout on Saturday that will probably take up most of my day. I'll be there early to volunteer, probably will only leave for about an hour to go eat dinner, otherwise I want to stay for the whole bout and since I have the next day off I'll most likely end up going to the after party. I'm sure DJ and Tomi will be there and probably be at the afterparty too so I'll have a ride home.
Try outs will be on Feb. 5th, we just had our last open practice before try outs where they went over some of the stuff we'll be doing for try outs. Though I think they should've practiced a bit more on some things like falls and sprawls and more of the other drills we're gonna have to do. We spent a lot of time on cross overs. I don't know, I'm comfortable with most of the stuff we do now enough to want to start doing more advanced stuff. Like jumps, running on toe stops and blocking. I really am starting to get closer to some of the girls and it's nice to feel a bit of the "family" sense of things. A lot of the tots who I'm trying out with I'm getting closer to. Tomi is really cool to hang out with, her Deaf Jam and I went out for lunch the other day...it was cool to have people to talk to about derby who are just as into it. Like I know no one else cares, all anyone at work wants to talk about is football. Meh. Once you get onto the league you get a Big, who is like your mentor, they take you under their wing and is kinda like your big sister I guess. I really hope that someone picks me specifically instead of just getting assigned to one girl. I'd be happy with a jammer, since that's more the direction I want to go...I do want to learn to block well and be able to hold down that position too but I really feel like if I quit smoking and really start pushing myself I think I could make for a good jammer. Get 'em to put on some Korn when I'm jammin' or SOAD "Radio/Video", ha.
Anyways. work sucks. I had a weird dream last night. It involved a very controlling man, trying to keep me hostage/murder me. A lot of my dreams as of late have had murder tied into the plot of things, along with characters that seem to represent my father. I've also had some other dreams that focus on a mysterious woman, like in the dreams most of the time...that one girl will be more in the shadows throughout the dream. I can make out some of her features but I can barely ever see her eyes. It's weird. I miss having seroquil dreams. Lol.
I need new piercing equipment. I have a couple people who want their nose done, Lauren wants her lip done, along with her sisters lip too. And Lindsay says her snug is doing good, it swelled up the first two days but she texted me today to say that she iced it and cleaned it really well and the swelling has gone down a lot and it's not hurting beyond whats to be expected now. But she's up for a couple more after that one heals up. If I can get over my slight fear for dermal punches I might really try to do a dermal anchor on myself somewhere, possibly below my navel or clavical.
I'm rambling now.
- Music:Don't Stop
This girl I work with came over today, interested in a new ear/cartilage piercing. I showed her a chart of all the ear piercings and she decided on a snug. I think the placement is pretty good and she has a lot of room on the inside for any kind of swelling, it was a bitch to get the ball on the inside of it but that was my mistake I should've put the bar through the opposite way. I know for next time now. She's up to be a guinea pig for a couple more piercings but she wants to wait for me to get some new equipment for some things I want to try out.
I'm thinking of redoing my septum and wearing a barbell in it at work. Also I want to redo my rook and possibly try this snug on myself as well. I might even balls up to start working on dermals, using myself for the first couple just to see what I'm working with. Eventually when I have a piercing-acceptant job I can do some more practice on myself with some facial piercings I want to get on my face right quick. Vertical labret, bridge, anti eyebrow, foretragus, cheeks. Ugh. I want freedom to play again. Heh.
I be dying my hurr right now. Dark brown. I'll try to get my internet to let me post a picture when it's all nice and smexy. It probably wouldn't matter except I know Alicia's gonna say she wants to see a fucking picture and bitch aint got no phone. -_-
Do you like to hear about your partner's exes? Does it make you jealous or forge greater intimacy?
When I was in a relationship...well most stuff didn't bother me. I'd love to hear embarassing stories about ex's, or just dumb shit. If it came to talking about sex that they had with an ex it depends. I don't want to hear in depth details but I don't mind hearing little bits just to see where their ex's were at opposed to me. When it comes to sex I don't mind being a bit open minded so if I hear that they did something with an ex that I've never tried doing I might be more willing to do it mostly because I'm competitive...even when it comes to sex. That sounds really bad but that's how I get a lot of my motivation, from my competitiveness. And in bed, when I have a girl, I want to be the best and I don't really want to have any comparison. If I was with someone and they compared me to an ex that sets off my anger, it puts a fire in my belly. Most of my ex's have dated some shitty people and I don't want to be catagorized with them, I don't want to be in that group when they go to the next girl and say that all they're exs were assholes who treated them like shit. I want to be the one ex that they say is still cool, that we still talk and are on good terms. I dunno.
I stayed up last night to watch it with Everette. Around 1:45am we went up to his deck and got a roaring fire going, warmed our blood with some vodka. It was really nice, the eclipse was wicked to watch...we stayed out there till about 3:15am looking at it. At certain times it was a bright orange as all the white was just peeking around the darkness. I'm glad I experienced it. :)
that's all for now, I gotta head to work now.
- Music:Type O- Die With Me
After working 13 hours yesterday I got my ass up and went out for once with CeeWeed and some of her friends. We went down to the hookah bar down the street called Arabian Nights, got us some drinks...she got me a bottle of smirnoff vodka, just a lil pint to myself. The girls that she and I met up were alright, mostly straight preppy girls some of which weren't even out of high school but they were kinda cool. I got tipsy, dragged out into the dancing area with a cute mamasita(that looks so wrong but you know) Karma, she was trashed off her ass but I didn't mind the bit of make out action. Lol. I dunno, if Shana invites me to come up to Central with her again I think I'll go. Usually my excuse to not go is that I'm tired or I don't want to spend the money and I really don't spend much...last night I think I spent like 20 and that's it. I might try to start making more of an effort to go out, I complain about how I don't really know anyone but I don't do anything about it. Plus my tarot reading said I might meet someone in the distant future...that gives me a little hope and a bit of motivation.
Otherwise work is work, Crema is going on break as the university is letting out for vacation so I've upped my hours at Sullivan's to 40 hours and I'll be training as a server in January. That should really help me with saving up a bit more, I can't wait for tax season to come around. I'll probably try to save almost all of it this year for the trip to Sweden and maybe have a little extra for other fun summer adventures. Once I have more money saved and I don't have to put in so many hours I'd like to work on getting my license and get my red cross classes out of the way. If I could achieve that next year I'd feel a lot better with where I am, and once the classes are out of the way I could start talking to shops about maybe starting off working the front desk or something.
I feel like right now I haven't really done much, even though I guess I have. In a year I changed everything about what my life was. I stopped giving in to drug temptation so much, I moved back down here, Sammie and I had our fall through...still I got a job and worked and got my own place. 2 new jobs and got involved in roller derby, I've been volunteering a bit. It's just going from living with a bunch of people with drama and depending on other people...to having everything in my life being taken care of by me. If my electric goes off that's on me, if I get a sexy new pair of heels that's on me, it feels nice to be completely in control of my life for once. I wanna keep this up, I wanna keep it rolling and go further, get more, do more, be more.
By the way, I made raspberry pancakes for the first time and they were fucking delicious, I want to work on making a fun topping for them. Like my caramellized apple topping that I made a couple times. Mmmmm.
Having things constantly preoccupying the conscious part of the brain is a wonderful antidote for bottling up more and more emotions.
Henceforth why I now have so many fucked up dreams.
I get to skate tomorrow.
My body is constantly sore and aching, I don't like it per se but I deal with it.
Adding another job on top of all this already is going to be a real fun experiment.
I have no brain to write.
No words of wisdom to share.
No exciting tales to tell.
All I got is a bowl and some weed and some lungs to smoke it with.
I can't really complain about not having shit to do anymore really. I've been meeting people and kind of making friends. Open skate nights especially. Robin and Stephon have been giving me rides lately to the open skate, Robin is a baker and now my new "food buddy". She's fresh meat, so she's not on a team yet but she's been helping me a lot...giving me tips.
And now I actually kind of feel a bit badass on my skates. I do need new wheels desperately. Now that I have the confidence to skate fast I'm noticing just how much better my skating would be if I had faster wheels. Like I have the momentum, I have the energy and the strength to really push it out and skate hard for a few minutes and I'm now not so horrible so I can actually skate and usually avoid whatever is in front of me. But my wheels just really pull me back from being better and learning to skate better. So I got my heart set on a 4 pack of creeper Heartless wheels and a 4 pack of the stalker Heartless wheels. They're a different firmness each...the creepers are not as grippy (they're more for speed)whereas the stalkers are so I think it would balance out well plus they're a lot thinner than my wheels. It's going to be around $90 for both sets so I have to save up...maybe I'll be able to get 'em by the end of the month.
Work is work but it's better paying work and easy fun work so it's not a bother.
I have to start working on my Halloween costume. Bellatrix. Fuck yeah! Lol. I'm excited, I hope I can find what I need and have the money for such things. I have to paper mache a wand together so that should be interesting. I got a month to work on it so it should be enough time I guess.
I was thinking about trying to get the money together to go to WFTDA nationals but I'm thinking of saving up to get my back piece done instead. Everyone in derby has more tattoos than me! This makes me sad. Plus it's been 2 years and I'm really itchin' to get me some more ink, especially this one because it's my first realistic piece with quotes that are from a huge musical influence of mine so yeah. I really want this one done soon. I might try to get Marni's guy, Dave to do it for me.
I dunno. I'm done for tonight.
- Mood:slightly stoned
- Music:Some crap
For once I can actually say that I've been kind of keeping myself busy.
A lot of my time is taken up with work and skating and the occasional party night.
Work is really good, things are easy, hours are decent and I think once I get my raise I'll be making enough to be alright here on my own. Today I was taking a smoke break and this woman fell over the curb and almost got backed over and I stopped such events from happening, major good deal of the month. Heh. But yeah, work is going good, tips are alright for being a barista.
Skating is getting to be more of an obsession now. I've been going at least once a week, if I can't make it more than that then I usually try to practice a bit on the alley or in my living room(things like stops and turns, things not needing a huge amount of room to do). Last night was probably my best practice. I took the bus up to Putty Hill, got there right at 7 and ran into Slo Co who had been helping me out at the open practice and her and I started off with cross overs. She gave me some good advice to help me with getting up more speed and getting lower when doing them, after taking that advice she told me that I had a very pretty crossover for a beginner which made my night. I got my turn around toe stops down too pretty much, they still need work at higher speeds but I'm really working on it. My god though, after a lot of people left and the track was less litters with people a bunch of us were doing speed skating...seeing how many laps we can do in 5 minutes. >.< Fucking kicked my thighs! In try outs you have to do at least 23 laps in 5 minutes, I got 23 my first try and then I did it again with a two lap improvement. At the end of the night a couple of the girls told me I was doing really well and they could see the improvements I've made even in just one night. I don't want to get cocky but I feel like I'm catching on rather quickly. It feels nice to be good at something for once.
I think I might be getting to a point where I'm really wanting to find someone. Like...I won't lie, I might not be completely be over what happened between me and Sammie. But I think that's understandable, I was in love with her for 4 years. I just think the acceptance part is over, I can accept that she choose something different and maybe I want to find something different. I find myself checking out girls more and more lately. Lol. I saw this cute dyke walk by the bus stop where I was chillin with some random niggaz, I smiled at her, she smiled back, I even got an over the shoulder back glance. Heh. I'm lame but I guess it's just kind of hard for me. Most people tell me that I don't LOOK gay so it's really hard for me to just have girls know. I HAVE to give them that look, that smile, that glance that says "yes, I see you and yes, I am one of you too." I don't know, I just think it's been enough time it's time for something to happen. It's time for someone else to come across my path.
Halloween is coming up and I got invited to the Bruiser Ball, a halloween party put together by the derby girls, which is villian themed. So I've got my heart set on going as Bellatrix. >=) I don't think it'll be too hard of a costume to put together, I'mma go to a tattoo shop and see if someone could just draw the Dark Mark on my forearm in sharper for like 10 buck. If not I think I can just print out a picture of it, cut out the design and just trace it on and color it in myself. Imma go down to Goodwill and find an old wedding dress or something, shred it up a bit and dye it black. Spray my hair black or get a wig. Excited!
- Music:Kelly Clarkson- Ready
I've been working at Hollywood Diner for about a week now and so far all is well I guess. It's easy work, a lot less demanding than Friendly's but I'm kind of worried about whether or not I'm going to be making enough money. I don't get that much in tips but I knew that before I took the job...I've been trying to live off of what I have in cash now instead of what I have in my account, so unless I absolutely need something right then and don't have cash I don't really touch my card anymore. The one girl I work with that I met for the first time today reminds me of Lissy...her name is Melissa too. And she's kinda short, has brown hair and blue eyes, glasses...not as adorable as Lissy is but she just reminded me of her the moment I saw her and talked to her for like 5 minutes. She's all soft spoken and seems a little bit of a nerdy type and she invited me over to a movie night at her house on Sunday.
Sara has been really frusterating me with this off and on thing about whether she's coming to visit or not. She was supposed to come down on Monday and that fell through, then every day this week she's been telling me that she's trying to come down. It's just annoying, the bus station isn't that far, not even an hour drive and it's only an hour and a half bus ride. I guess I just easily annoyed when things seem so simple to me. It's kind of suspenceful though, I've been talking to her for like 5 years and I just want to fucking meet already...it's like COME ON! Jesus. Maybe I have more desire to meet her than she does me. I just want to have someone fun keep me company for awhile.
I remember how everyone looked, how good I felt being around people I enjoyed being with at the time. The good days, before things went to shit. Back when Joe and I would have our happy Thursday time just the two of us, bucket hits, crazy music and that happy adorable lil spiccie that I miss so much. Lol. Even at the second apartment when things were still tolerable...when Liz, Sammie and I would have our fun time.Sitting up in the bedroom talking, smoking a blunt after Sammie and I got home from work, that day they found that puke/turd like thing on Liz's floor. Screaming comically/hysterically "What is that?! Wha-What is it?" . Sometimes Eric and Sherrilee too. I just remember so distinctly how good it felt. I just miss how I felt like I was part of something, like these were people who on a dayly basis voluntarily wanted to put up with whatever shit I gave 'em to deal with. I miss the good days. Wacky Wednesday, my birthday, Jager night, that random day in the fall. That night me, Eric and SherriLee really tried to talk to Gina about her feelings towards herion(as in she was a future junkie and we were against it). It really makes me want to just completely out there when I have the time and money to, to just go and find some people to hang out with.
Tonight I went to Putty Hill for the open skate night and there were a couple derby girls there, Shanna (I think her name is) was there who was one of the girls I went to the afterparty with. I busted my ass literally trying to keep up with her while I was talking to her and fucked something up. But I think I did good, I got my crossover down pretty damned well...good enough to notice that my body was just naturally going into that form when I was skating. Hoopah! Now I just got to learn how to skate backwards and be able to do my crossover backwards as well. That's my new skating goal. I guess goals are good, right?
- Music:Coldplay- Rush of Blood to the Head
If there was something you could change about your past, what would it be?
I woulda made sure my dad had gone to work on September 11th and saved myself 6 years of trouble.
Yeah, I know, I'm terrible. Oh well.
Been kind of a strange day, well not really strange I just been in a strange mood I guess.
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, spent the morning thinking about things that may not be the best for the frame of mind I was in. Depression is easy to slip into for me, especially after weird dreams that make me second guess some of the things I'm doing in my life. I don't really feel like going into detail, I just wondering if what I want to do with myself is really the best. I guess everyone probably thinks about that from time to time but seriously I'm so slow to start. I have a hard time getting off my ass getting shit done the way I should.
It's just hitting me now since my birthday is past and now I'm thinking like...fuck, I'm now 20. I'm no longer some dumb teenager, I'm considered a "young adult" now. And am I on the track towards what I want to do with the rest of years I have left? No. I guess I'm just getting anxious with myself to start making more money so that I can start working on the things I really should be.
I haven't been smoking as much anymore either, usually I work so much that I really don't have the time. I don't smoke before work because I really don't like it. Especially since I'm waiting table and dealing with orders and shit all the time, smoking just makes my memory worse. Plus I know I'm not the best at concealing the fact that I'm stoned usually, my eyes are blood shot after a couple hits so I usually look high when I am. But recently it's been a bowl or two before bed or while I'm watching South Park or something. It's a good thing I guess. I still don't think I'll ever quit for good but I kind of enjoy just doing it once a day and not relying on it as much I did before. That's why I don't really believe that weed is addictive. I haven't smoked in a couple days and it's not as if I'm having withdrawls or anything, I just wish I had some.
Tomorrow is another open practice up at Putty I think it's around 7pm. I have work and I probably should be going because it'll take me forever to get home and I got work on Friday but oh well. I have work for about a week or two straight...I don't even bother to think about it too much, but I gotta find time to do something that I actually like. So yeah, tomorrow night. I was out on the back alley tonight working on getting my crossover down better...hopefully I'll have it down after tomorrow. Oh! I came up with my derby name too.
Cannibal Courtme. Number A1. Heheh. I think it's rather clever and I wasn't even stoned when I came up with it. :D Lol.
Anyways. I start my new job on Monday just training and I guess the week after I'll be put on for full time. It'll be nice to get the fuck out of Friendly's.
- Music:Eminem- Hello
So I got a call yesterday from Terry(the owner of the diner that I had an interview at) about coming in for training! I start next Monday and I'll be on for at least two days next week for training, hopefully I can catch on quickly. I don't really think I'll have any trouble keeping up since I've worked as a barista before. I'm really excited to start though so I can get the hell out of Friendly's. I'll be putting in my two weeks notice to Omar on Tuesday, I might keep my Saturdays for now since the diner is closed every Saturday but I'm not really going to want to do that commute anymore.
Anyways, today's my only day off this week and I'm really trying to get down to the rink and skate a bit so I can get some more practice. The bout on Saturday really has got me hyped up.
- Music:Three Days Grace- Now or Never
Last night I went out with Lauren.
We went over to Hippo but it was pretty dead and we were way too over dressed, then it was down to Fells Point where we ran into Tyrelle( this guy I work with) at a bar called Moby's. We only stayed out till 1:30am but still just to get out for a night was nice, to have a couple drinks, dance a little and talk to some random people. Next time Lauren said we'll go to Hippo on a Thursday night when it's packed with cute dykes and sexy femme girlies. Heh. I had fun though, I felt like I was 16 again getting ready to go to the Twist with Magin.
Today I'm heading over to the Du Burns Arena to volunteer with the derby bout set up. Then Mom, Sam and I are going out to dinner before Marni is supposed to meet us when she's off of work...then it's a derby bout! I'm excited to see my second live bout, plus when you volunteer they give you your admission to the bout for free! And I do indeed love me some free shit/admission.
Yesterday I had an interview for a barista position at this place called Hollywood Diner, they have 3 locations (one is the diner, another is a stand at the medical school and the other is a shop inside the law school) and the owner, Terry, is looking for someone who can go between all three of the locations and know how to operate all of them. He told me that he'd let me know by tomorrow if I got the job but I'm fairly hopeful since it seems like they use a lot of the same stuff we had at Sarah and Desmonds and I already know how to make drinks and cook. :) Also Pazo called me with a position at another restraunt just as a food runner and I'm thinking about seeing if I can mix the food runner job in with the coffee shop( granted I get that one) and work as a full time barista and then do food running part time in the evenings since the coffee shop hours are 7 to 6pm on weekdays, closed saturdays and 7 to 1pm on Sundays. I don't think it'd be that hard to manage, even if I could just run food one or two days a week and then work evenings on the weekends.
I dunno, things seem to be kinda getting better slowly. I still need some cute dyke to come sweep me off my feet but I guess that'll come when I'm truely ready for it.
For once I didn't let my low self esteem, laziness and favor towards just getting high get in the way of going to the roller derby open practice.
They did some warm up excersizes that I really should start working on because I was definitely the obvious noob there. But I got a hang of a crossover which is something that I have to know how to do before even thinking of going any further with this. It's the fastest way to create more speed when turning and it just feels so uncomfortable to do at first but I noticed that if I don't focus on it so much and just let my body do it, it's really not that hard. Heh, I still really have to practice, we finished up with just pace laps and I busted my ass bad when I fucked up my crossover and...yeah. I got a 4 inch bruise on my left hip now. Lol.
It was so friggin sweet though man! It's hard to explain how excited I am about this, how bad I want to actually see it through because I feel like a lot of times...I'm mostly talk. I've done semi badass shit but usually it's unplanned and impulsive but this is something I really want to do. I want to be on a derby team within the next 2 years. I feel like that's a reasonable time span because it's gonna take me awhile to get really good and then to go through try outs and training and shit.
I offered to volunteer at the next bout which is next saturday so *shrugs* I think if I show that I'm really into this and I have some dedication that might help when I get around to try outs.
Needless to say. I'm excited.
But not for having to go to work in like 15 minutes to work all night for $60. >.<
I don't have rent yet and it's kinda getting to my stress buttons.
The past week has been rather nice...Alicia and Liz made it down. They got to spend the evening in Baltimore at my place, we got some banging samiches and went for a pic nic dinner on Federal Hill and went on the paddle boats. Heh. Saturday to Monday they spent here with me at da beach. :) I really should get my license so we can do these things more often without supervision. But it was really great to see them, it's been 5 months since the last time I spent time with them and I only got to spend like half a day with Liz when I saw her last so it was some much needed girl time. Alicia and Joe have been saying they'll be coming down in September...Joe will be coming for a week and I guess Alicia will come down for as long as she can take off for. I told Joe we can look into seeing if there's some rave we could go to. I haven't seen Joe is so long and I miss that little puerto rican bastard.
I'm not looking forward to going back to work and having to continue to look for a new job. Meh. I haven't gotten any call backs from the close to 20 applications I've put in. Once I get back to the city I'm going to make a round to all the places I applied and bug 'em a bit.
Lissy and Randy both went in and got me some real nice speed skates and a bunch of protective gear so I can start looking into doing derby. At the moment I just need to learn the basics because well...I can barely stop myself without almost busting my ass. Saturday we're going to Amanda (my mom's best friend's daughter) birthday party...which apparently her father rented out the whole roller skating rink for. Heh, perfect timing. It'll be good practice trying not to hit all the small children. :)
- Music:Mr. SquarePants.
I was invited into a strangers house for a bowl of nug on my way home from the bus stop.
I accepted such invitation and had an interesting time, I don't the one guy really liked me but it seemed to be an age thing.
It was still kinda fun and I got to smoke a bowl of nug so that's always good.
For some reason, my building and no other is out of power completely.
I'm staying tonight but seriously this will fuck things up if Alicia and Liz actually get their asses down here.
It's a Type O kind of night
So maybe it's not anyone's fault that it always falls through but the fact is that I'm really getting fucking sick of it. I'm not going to hold a fucking grudge or show my disappointment because honestly I kind of knew that things would fall through but it's really frusterating. Alicia and Liz were going to come visit me, we've been planning it for over a month now and of course things aren't going to work out the way I'd like them to.
It just seems to play out to my worst advantages. No matter what it is. Pazo was a fluck. My birthday actually being a fun one a second year in a row couldn't really be imaginable. I'm so used to being disappointed by how things play out, I'm used to being the one who gets fucked over...I've accepted it but when I'm alone I dwell on it. For once in my life I'd like things to be easy, to have things go my way without me having to cling to whatever hope I can muster anymore. That amount of hope in increasing diminishing recently.
For once I feel like I really need someone. I don't really care who it is, I just want someone just to talk to. I'm constantly isolated and allow things to be that way but when I try to go out it ends up being disasterous. I wish someone would just burst into my life when I'm not trying.
I don't know. Heh, I end a lot of entries like that.
I don't know.
I guess I'll stop saying it when I do actually know something.
Till them I'm clueless.
- Music:Linkin Park-Figure. 09
sitting nude in the living room,
smoking a bowl,
playing Rush at the highest volume that this laptop has to offer,
munchin on some Cin-A-Toast
I've lately too lazy/busy/stoned to actually sit down and write a worthwhile post about whats been going on as of recently.
I move into my apartment next Friday and get my keys on Wednesday. I picked a bed frame (a medium brown wood frame from the Ikea "Malm" collection) which includes a box spring and mattress plus she threw in a free 30 some inch TV all for $50. Heh, needless to say Craigslist is some sort of blessing. And yesterday we went by Ikea and I dropped $150 on various things. Namely a copper table lamp, decent sized black coffee table, metal kitchen shelving rack, dishware, silverware, pots and pans, a bathroom mat, a couple other random things and this awesome birthday cake hat. *shrugs* Mom is planning on spending $200 for my birthday on other stuff Imma need.
I've been kind of a shitty mood lately despite how good things seem to be going. The fact that Sammie is officially in Washington is having an effect on me which I can't deny. It's not like I was planning on actually seeing her anytime soon but the fact that I can't just simply take a bus up there and seeing her along with all my other friends is having an effect on me. I broke down and cried the other day for the first time in a while. I miss her and I can't lie about it, she still means a huge deal to me.
There's a restraunt, a rather nice one at that, called Pazo down around Fell's Point which I had an interview for last week. The first interview went alright and they told me that if they were interested in a second interview they would call me this week, they called yesterday and I have an interview with the owner tomorrow at 1:30. Mom's trying to get me to go in there like I already have the job but I've learned more than once never to expect more of myself than nessacery, not to say that I don't think I could handle the job because I'm pretty confident when it comes to my work...I'm a damned hard worker and I'll tell you I am but I don't want to go in there acting cocky. It's not me. What you see is what you get. I will present myself well and I'll be articulate because that's just me but I got my rough edges. Anyway...I'm hoping by getting this second interview means that they're likely to offer me a position so I'm excited. I'd be making a shitton more than I make at Fucking Friendly's.