The Charles

Writer's Block: If I could find my way

If you could turn back time, how far back would you go?

Way back. Ancient times. Maybe back to the times of Roman crusades and epic battles, old world philosophy and the peace before religion went and mucked everything up. Though I'd want to have a sex change before going back that far because hell I wouldn't want to get stuck out of the stabbing and chopping people to bits. Not even just that though, I just never really feel like I belong in this time period. I wish there were no roads and major cities, just endless wandering...trying to just survive and having everyday HAVE to be an adventure. No lazin' around on the couch watching mind numbing television shows and rotting your brain staring at a computer screen. Meeting people and just interacting without there being social classes or expectations and no sense of "what am I getting if I help you" just helping people because you can. People in our day are so stuck in their own bubble, I will say "hello" to a stranger and they look almost offended that I acknowledge their existence.
The Charles

I'm a Charm City Roller Girl. >:)

I made CCRG but on a conditional pass. The email stated that there were "concerning issues" that they wanted a coach to speak with me about. I really have no idea what it's about, I don't think I messed up anymore than those who made it no problem. So now I am in suspence waiting for an email to set up a meeting with Reckless Ndangerment. Though for the time being I'm going to celebrate that I didn't get a plain "no" and whatever the conditions are I'll do them to be on the team. I've already finished off my last pack of cigarettes and I'm more than willing to give that up so that I can really do this to the best of my own ability.
I want this. I want it more than pretty much anything right now.
I want to start filling my life with things that I love to do. I love skating and I love roller derby and all the people that have now become part of my life because of it. There's nothing that will put me off of really trying.
Along with that I'm getting fed up with the business in which I work with which is giving me the motivation to get the FUCK out and start working in the field that I desire. I will be looking into my classes and start going around to different shops and offering any kind of work I can do for them. Even if I could just start off working as a secretary at a shop. I want my freedom to be myself and do what I want with my life, with my apperance.

Next week I'll be coming up to PA for a couple days. Dawn and I started talking again...I really have missed talking to her, she actually listens and has the time to talk too which is a bit of a change. She's paying for me to take a bus up there and she's taking me along to see Jeff Dunham Wednesday night. I get a couple days to hang out and see my lovvies...Alicia, Joe and whoever else wants to hang out. Dawn and I are going to come back down here Saturday since she said she really wants to kind of get out of WB for a bit, we're going to go down to the bout and then I told her she can stay Sunday or till whenever she wants. Just I only took off until Saturday so if I work she's welcome to stay and do her thing if I have to work. It should be a fun time.
  • Current Music
    Kings of Leon
The Charles

(no subject)

I had a dream that Alicia and I were searching for Cocoa in a forest. There was an abandoned Victorian style house on a hill, and a Nightmare Before Christmas-esque graveyard, it was day time but we were looking around there and searching through the house. We went into the basement and there was a bunch of old tools and woodwork. There was a woman who came around at some point, she was older like maybe 45 or 50, her skin looked weather and her was really tan like a farmer's wife or something. Somehow we found out that she had found cocoa and was doing sexual things to her. I don't know why, or what brought it about but we had to steal cocoa back and it turned into night, we were running through the graveyard calling for cocoa follow us. That was when my alarm went off and I went to work thinking that it was a really fucking weird dream.

...Yeah so now I got to go to work again. >.< Ugh.
The Charles

(no subject)

Growing Pain by Ludacris featuring some people...I like that song a lot lately.
Try outs are in 8 days!!! Ahhhh! I'm so excited/anxious/nervous. This is my first time ever being involved in a real sport and having to try out for one too. Plays and chorus try outs have scattered my past but that's not as nerve wracking for me, I'm comfortable in those areas but sports and athletism isn't something that I'm comfortable. I'm pretty quick on my feet though and after I have about a hour and a half to warm up I really start skating a bit risky, lol. I've become one of those assholes jumping around the rink.
For the past 5 days or so I've kept my cigarette consumption under 4 per day. I'm going to try to just smoke one cigarette a day starting the 1st until try outs. The derby girls are really supportive which is encouraging considering everyone else I hang out with are pack a day smokers so I'm not getting much help there.
Well I'm in between jobs right now, gotta get all dressed up and pretty for Sully's. Shang's coming in tonight, he hasn't visited us in forever so I gotta look prime tonight. Lol. >.< I hate the industry in which I work.
The Charles

Fleetwood smack

I always start off my posts with how shitty I am about posting anymore. But I am shitty at it and I always feel bad when I don't update, I really wish I did write more and try to be more elequent with how I write. Oh well.
Alicia and Joe were supposed to come visit with Lisa and her g/f but that didn't happen, they were supposed to come down friday and stay until midday sunday. Lisa ended up having to work though so they can't come, though I still have the bout on Saturday that will probably take up most of my day. I'll be there early to volunteer, probably will only leave for about an hour to go eat dinner, otherwise I want to stay for the whole bout and since I have the next day off I'll most likely end up going to the after party. I'm sure DJ and Tomi will be there and probably be at the afterparty too so I'll have a ride home.
Try outs will be on Feb. 5th, we just had our last open practice before try outs where they went over some of the stuff we'll be doing for try outs. Though I think they should've practiced a bit more on some things like falls and sprawls and more of the other drills we're gonna have to do. We spent a lot of time on cross overs. I don't know, I'm comfortable with most of the stuff we do now enough to want to start doing more advanced stuff. Like jumps, running on toe stops and blocking. I really am starting to get closer to some of the girls and it's nice to feel a bit of the "family" sense of things. A lot of the tots who I'm trying out with I'm getting closer to. Tomi is really cool to hang out with, her Deaf Jam and I went out for lunch the other was cool to have people to talk to about derby who are just as into it. Like I know no one else cares, all anyone at work wants to talk about is football. Meh. Once you get onto the league you get a Big, who is like your mentor, they take you under their wing and is kinda like your big sister I guess. I really hope that someone picks me specifically instead of just getting assigned to one girl. I'd be happy with a jammer, since that's more the direction I want to go...I do want to learn to block well and be able to hold down that position too but I really feel like if I quit smoking and really start pushing myself I think I could make for a good jammer. Get 'em to put on some Korn when I'm jammin' or SOAD "Radio/Video", ha.
Anyways. work sucks. I had a weird dream last night. It involved a very controlling man, trying to keep me hostage/murder me. A lot of my dreams as of late have had murder tied into the plot of things, along with characters that seem to represent my father. I've also had some other dreams that focus on a mysterious woman, like in the dreams most of the time...that one girl will be more in the shadows throughout the dream. I can make out some of her features but I can barely ever see her eyes. It's weird. I miss having seroquil dreams. Lol.
I need new piercing equipment. I have a couple people who want their nose done, Lauren wants her lip done, along with her sisters lip too. And Lindsay says her snug is doing good, it swelled up the first two days but she texted me today to say that she iced it and cleaned it really well and the swelling has gone down a lot and it's not hurting beyond whats to be expected now. But she's up for a couple more after that one heals up. If I can get over my slight fear for dermal punches I might really try to do a dermal anchor on myself somewhere, possibly below my navel or clavical.
We'll see.
I'm rambling now.
  • Current Music
    Don't Stop
The Charles

(no subject)

This girl I work with came over today, interested in a new ear/cartilage piercing. I showed her a chart of all the ear piercings and she decided on a snug. I think the placement is pretty good and she has a lot of room on the inside for any kind of swelling, it was a bitch to get the ball on the inside of it but that was my mistake I should've put the bar through the opposite way. I know for next time now. She's up to be a guinea pig for a couple more piercings but she wants to wait for me to get some new equipment for some things I want to try out.
I'm thinking of redoing my septum and wearing a barbell in it at work. Also I want to redo my rook and possibly try this snug on myself as well. I might even balls up to start working on dermals, using myself for the first couple just to see what I'm working with. Eventually when I have a piercing-acceptant job I can do some more practice on myself with some facial piercings I want to get on my face right quick. Vertical labret, bridge, anti eyebrow, foretragus, cheeks. Ugh. I want freedom to play again. Heh.
I be dying my hurr right now. Dark brown. I'll try to get my internet to let me post a picture when it's all nice and smexy. It probably wouldn't matter except I know Alicia's gonna say she wants to see a fucking picture and bitch aint got no phone. -_-
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The Charles

Writer's Block: Beware the green-eyed monster!

Do you like to hear about your partner's exes? Does it make you jealous or forge greater intimacy?

When I was in a relationship...well most stuff didn't bother me. I'd love to hear embarassing stories about ex's, or just dumb shit. If it came to talking about sex that they had with an ex it depends. I don't want to hear in depth details but I don't mind hearing little bits just to see where their ex's were at opposed to me. When it comes to sex I don't mind being a bit open minded so if I hear that they did something with an ex that I've never tried doing I might be more willing to do it mostly because I'm competitive...even when it comes to sex. That sounds really bad but that's how I get a lot of my motivation, from my competitiveness. And in bed, when I have a girl, I want to be the best and I don't really want to have any comparison. If I was with someone and they compared me to an ex that sets off my anger, it puts a fire in my belly. Most of my ex's have dated some shitty people and I don't want to be catagorized with them, I don't want to be in that group when they go to the next girl and say that all they're exs were assholes who treated them like shit. I want to be the one ex that they say is still cool, that we still talk and are on good terms. I dunno.
The Charles

Lunar eclipse

I stayed up last night to watch it with Everette. Around 1:45am we went up to his deck and got a roaring fire going, warmed our blood with some vodka. It was really nice, the eclipse was wicked to watch...we stayed out there till about 3:15am looking at it. At certain times it was a bright orange as all the white was just peeking around the darkness. I'm glad I experienced it. :)

that's all for now, I gotta head to work now.
  • Current Music
    Type O- Die With Me
The Charles

wake and bake ramble

After working 13 hours yesterday I got my ass up and went out for once with CeeWeed and some of her friends. We went down to the hookah bar down the street called Arabian Nights, got us some drinks...she got me a bottle of smirnoff vodka, just a lil pint to myself. The girls that she and I met up were alright, mostly straight preppy girls some of which weren't even out of high school but they were kinda cool. I got tipsy, dragged out into the dancing area with a cute mamasita(that looks so wrong but you know) Karma, she was trashed off her ass but I didn't mind the bit of make out action. Lol. I dunno, if Shana invites me to come up to Central with her again I think I'll go. Usually my excuse to not go is that I'm tired or I don't want to spend the money and I really don't spend much...last night I think I spent like 20 and that's it. I might try to start making more of an effort to go out, I complain about how I don't really know anyone but I don't do anything about it. Plus my tarot reading said I might meet someone in the distant future...that gives me a little hope and a bit of motivation.
Otherwise work is work, Crema is going on break as the university is letting out for vacation so I've upped my hours at Sullivan's to 40 hours and I'll be training as a server in January. That should really help me with saving up a bit more, I can't wait for tax season to come around. I'll probably try to save almost all of it this year for the trip to Sweden and maybe have a little extra for other fun summer adventures. Once I have more money saved and I don't have to put in so many hours I'd like to work on getting my license and get my red cross classes out of the way. If I could achieve that next year I'd feel a lot better with where I am, and once the classes are out of the way I could start talking to shops about maybe starting off working the front desk or something.
I feel like right now I haven't really done much, even though I guess I have. In a year I changed everything about what my life was. I stopped giving in to drug temptation so much, I moved back down here, Sammie and I had our fall through...still I got a job and worked and got my own place. 2 new jobs and got involved in roller derby, I've been volunteering a bit. It's just going from living with a bunch of people with drama and depending on other having everything in my life being taken care of by me. If my electric goes off that's on me, if I get a sexy new pair of heels that's on me, it feels nice to be completely in control of my life for once. I wanna keep this up, I wanna keep it rolling and go further, get more, do more, be more.

By the way, I made raspberry pancakes for the first time and they were fucking delicious, I want to work on making a fun topping for them. Like my caramellized apple topping that I made a couple times. Mmmmm.
  • Current Music
    John Mayer- Vultures