I've been internet-less for months due to the crapping out of my phone and the lack of money flow in my house.
Thank god for condos on vacation that have wi-fi. =)
I got Slayer and mosh pits two days before my birthday and then acid on my birthday which almost got me evicted. But that's another story right there.
MayhemFest was the shit, I got my ass kicked in the pits and had fun lovey time with my Leech and Dr. Benchie.
There's a new job in my life and it's not too much to talk about, I work at a factory as a catcher on a wrap line. Pay sucks and it's boring tiring work.
I ran into Kitty at the Movies 14 the other day so she stopped into Utopia with me and Liz. I got to talk to her about my next tattoo that she's doing up for me and she finally got to see my first one in person. I don't know if I'm the first one to have a piece of her art tattooed but she seemed really happy to see it. She texted me today to ask me something about the design I have her working on now so I hope that means she's working on getting it done soon because I can probably get it all done in one sitting if I go to Dragon's Den in Kingston.
Nipple piercings and my license is in my future hopefully in the next one or two months as long as I have paychecks like the last one I had.
Vanessa, this girl I knew from the twist messaged me about joining the wilkes barre roller derby team. I've had this recent feeling like roller derby would make my life complete and I'm really fucking excited. Heh.
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I finally got a job...
I got it through One Source and it's a shitty factory job but the key point is that its a job. I have to go in for orientation tomorrow at 4pm then after that its off to my first day of work. Actually night at work...its a 12 hour shift job from 6:30pm till 6:30am. They provide transportation though, I just don't really know how to time out my sleeping schedule now. *shrugs*
Wednesday is MayhemFest too, I get to see Slayer with Alicia and Joe! Then two days later its my birthday and I turn a measely 19, woooooo.
Its weird living on my own I guess, buying groceries and coming home to my own place to do whatever I want.
I might get my nips pierced before the summer is out...my tongue is all healed and good now. I think it might be time for a new hole in me. | |
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I've been too lazy to try to post with my phone but the time has come. Me and Liz have had a place for a month now. I'm broke and still don't have a job but its ok. Leech and Joe are covering for me for now and one source is helping me find a job. :)
My dreads are almost 13 months now too. We had a fun wacky wednesday on their birthday, we all took shrooms and had an amazing time. Hehe.
I don't really have anything else to say. I've been feeling weird, like I have these crazy mood swings were I get a bit depressed but hopeful once I get some medical insurance I can go see someone about that. | |
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Tomorrow Mom is gonna drive me to Bethesda because she has an appointment around there and I'm gonna get my venoms! I'm going to call before I go there and make sure Mr. Man is in just to be sure that I can and WILL get them. Nervousness/excitement all mixed in a ball and that's the only way I can describe how I feel. Zac handed me two oxcicodons to help me with the pain, I took the one today just to see how it affected me. Not bad, not great either...it didn't last long only being 5mg but oh well. I'd rather have Vics but Liz promised me 10 when I get there on Sunday! Woohoo, pain killers to actually use for pain!
Sunday is the day I'll be back and that I'm just ECSTATIC for. Joe promised to have set aside a bowl for me. ^_^ He's such a little thoughtful beaner. Hehe. I'm happy that he's letting me stay with him for the time being, I can't imagine anyone better to chill with for a week or so.
Ollie just fell off the computer tower. LOL. Hehehehe. Imma miss him a lot. Oh my god. A LOTTTTTTTTT! He's my cat, my baby and I can't shake the feeling that he's gonna get neglected in the love area. =(
( More BS that's on my mind. )*sigh*
Anyways, I haven't written like that in awhile but it's something I think I need to address with some kind of counselor or something at least Leech.
She's the only one I can actually see understanding what I'm talking about. Maybe I'm just bias. Hehe. She's my best friend so of course I think she's the only person in the whole fucking world who'll understand. *shrugs* - Mood:contemplative
 - Music:Eminem- Stan
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I've been working straight since Tuesday...and I don't have a day off until Friday. I have to work Monday too which we always have off, we have a catering order that we have to help with. >.>
Needless to say, I'm fucking exhausted. I'm completely drained and sick of work and the people I work with.
Joe is gonna see if I can get a job at the restraunt in Boscov's, we'z gonna be a team. Room buddies and possibly work buddies. =D Joe = the spiccie shit.
Anyway, I'm going to go on Friday to get my venoms because damnit I deserve them.
ehhhh.
It's off to work now, hoorah. >.> | |
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I'm trying to write a lot more frequently than I have been, which I am terrible at.
It probably is due to how miserable this house seems to be a lot of the time, I just kinda disappear into the deep abise of the basement and rot my brain and lungs on TV and cigarettes.
Luckily mom's been taking me to the gym a little better this week, I hate admitting to her that I LIKE to work out because she's such a nut about it. But...I do, I like working out, I like running 2 miles 3-4 times a week, I like feeling like my lungs aren't gonna die too fast as long as I work out a bit. Heh.
Anyways, Liz hasn't really been trying as hard as I'd like her to, to get us a place. *shrugs* That's the one thing I don't really like about Liz, she wants you to hold her hand and help her though every big thing you have to do with her. So I'm left being the one surfing the internet for potential rentals while Liz goes over to Joe's and hangs out with Jen. >.> I do have my doubts about this, half of me feels like I'd be better off just getting MY own place instead of relying on a roommate. I don't know.
I have a hard time believing in other people, I've been fucked over so many times by different people. Why should this be any different? It's like I don't feel like I need a relationship anymore because seriously what has it ever brought me? Lisa...that was on and off, 2 1/2 years of my life spent on someone who at the end of it I didn't even feel like I really knew at that point. Lisa and I just ended up going in completely different directions. She was still wanting to do the whole "happy family" bullshit, she wanted to get married and settle down. My god, I would've killed myself if I had been guilted into that. I would never settle down now or anywhere really in the near future, but that's what she wanted. She wanted the picket fucking fence, a dog, and a little wife who'll be a good girl and make her dinner when she gets home from work.
I don't want that.
And then...I really didn't have any other really serious relationships...I mean, Sammie was just kind of, well...a casual fuck buddy who didn't really want anything more that I wanted. It was one sided and it's understandable. I don't really care about that...I think that's the biggest thing, now I don't care.
I don't care about relationships, I don't care about girlfriends and looking cute. I don't care about coming off good to others, I'm completely indifferent.
That could be bad but right now again, I'm indifferent. I don't care really.
*shrugs* | |
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Lissy and I went paddle boating in the harbor today!
It was fucking great, I haven't been paddle boating since I was a young lassie. A wee bonny lass, dat I was.
Plus we got really amazing ice cream (seriously, white chocolate + raspberries + caramel = sex) and I got this cool graphic novel called Rent Girl from this radical liberal artsy kinda book shop called Red Emma. I've always wanted to go in there but never got to be up there. Plus Lissy's getting me into all this Gender Theory stuff. =)
I'll probably do a photo post tomorrow with fun peetares.
13 days until I'm back with my lovers.
Joe's gonna let me crash with him if Liz doesn't have a place for us yet. Yay, Joesies time!
P. S. - I lost another 2 pounds! So now I'm down 12 pounds. 8 away from my short time goal. Mid June I should be there at the -20lb mark.
- Mood:happy
 - Music:MUTHAFECKIN TOOOOOOL
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Me : "Sam, my butt just twitched."
Sam : "Whyyyyyy?"
Me : "I don't know, why don't you ask my butt?"
Sam : *walks over to my butt* "Why you twitching????"
Seriously, Sam is great.
Now she's running around the front room singing "I'M A ROCKSTAR!!!" and attempting to do cartwheels.
I love my little Asain monkey child. | |
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I almost bought a futon today...and a kitchen table.
Which woulda cost me about $450.
But I really wanted it.
Damn, I'm so bad at wanting to spend money.
Oh, and yesterday I made an impulsive purchase so that I can go to Mayhem Fest with Leech and Joe.
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I didn't get to get my venoms done due to their piercer being sickie.
=(
It bummed me out a lot, but I'll just get them done next Friday.
James touched up my color for me, I wish I had had time to let him do whatever he wanted to. Mom was rushing me because she kinda insisted on driving me home instead of letting me take the train when I was finished but it all turned out pretty well. He fixed up the one flower that I really didn't like the colors on and then just fixed up some faded/lighter areas. He didn't charge me either, I gave me some S&D's treats and $15 for his trouble. | |
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Today is the day. My stomach is slowly knotting itself up in anticipation for what today has in store. On one hand...I'm so damned excited and on the other hand I'm nervous as all hell. Today, I get my venoms with a side order of tattoo touch up. The tattoo doesn't make me nervous, I don't mind the feeling anymore and I love hanging out with James and being at the shop. But my god...those venoms. I know the determination and desire to have them beats out my nervous anxiety but it's still there. The slight fear of this healing process is daunghting. I figure...if I can handle this, the whole sha-bang (piercing, heal process, ect) than I can handle any piercing and that makes me feel better about all of it. Just for a reference:  ^^^^ These are venoms. On any other note...well the only one that I really have to talk about, Liz is filling out the application for OKT(C?) Lol. She found out rent is based off of whatever 30% of your yearly income is, so considering I'll be unemployed right then and she only works part time, it'll be fucking cheeeeeap. =D I need to work out today, I haven't worked out since Monday and been snackin' like a bad kidling. Mehehe. At least I'll be on a basically liquid fast with these bitches in my tongue. - Mood:excited
 - Music:Jay Z- Threat
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So yesterday I got a text around 10 ish telling me she needed to talk to me, I thought she was gonna tell me and update on the apartment search, instead she told me that Alicia had been real upset this morning when they saw each other and that it might be a good idea to call Joe and see what's up. I'm not going to just blurt out whatever happened but let's just say that Alicia has been in the hospital since noonish yesterday. She got transferred to a hospital near Philly and we're not allowed to call or visit her until at least 72 hours. She might be there longer than just 3 days, we don't know yet. I talked to Lori for close to an hour and she told me that if she gets a number for her before I do, she'd let me know. All I want to do is find out where she is, or just to talk to her. If she has to stay longer than a week there, I'm going to go visit her.
*sigh*
I can't really think about more than that whole situation right now, I've been calling Joe all day trying to get a hold of him and see how he's doing. Liz and I have been talking a lot...trying to find out anything else we can about what's going on. Aside from that, I broke down at work on Sunday...Des had to let me take a long break just to collect myself because I was just freaking out and crying. Of course no one at work had any weed and I've been out for a week almost now which fucking sucks because all I want to do is get high and try to think about something about Alicia. Lori seemed to be talking like I didn't understand what's good for Alicia and that her and Tom have her best interests in heart and that we (meaning Liz Joe and I mainly) don't know how serious it is. I do understand that, the only thing I could think about at work was how she was doing...because if Alicia had been seriously hurt I'd be there. Fuck it, I'd quit work if I had to just to leave to see her. She means the world to me and I told Liz last night...
If Alicia died, that's my cue. I can't cope without her, she's my best friend, she means more to me than anybody else. She's meant more to me than any girlfriend I've ever had. I just feel so messed up without knowing how she is...what she's thinking about. I feel so uneasy thinking that she's stuck by herself at a hospital...not able to talk to any of us...and maybe completely miserable. That hurts to think about that.
I don't know.
I'm rambling.
I'm just really upset, it's hard to talk about much else right now.
- Music:Jay Z - Moment of Clarity
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I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch, you know? Not trying to get my hopes up or nothing but...lately I've reached a boiling point with living here. I feel like I really haven't done anything REALLY worth while that makes up for what I had to give up to be down here in Maryland.
Positives of being here;
~ Got my first job (not really a product of being HERE)
~ Got my SS number/card (again, not something that only happened because I came here)
~ Got my permit
~ Learned to drive
Negatives of living here;
~ No social interaction whatsoever (huge point for me since...well my friends = my family)
~ The job I do have has proven to SUCK big monkey nuts.
~ Being treated as the family babysitter at every corner. (Taking care of Sam allllll the time, not to mention the dog, and on top of that still maintaining to clean the house ON TOP OF working full time.)
~ I don't get any sort of benefits down here. (Not even the benefit of having medical insurance for living with my parents, apperently the medical they get won't put me on unless I'm in school. -_-)
~ I'm flat out miserable.
I was on Craigslist and I found what sounds to be the perfect apartment for me and Liz to live in.
"Large second floor apt. 5 rooms, 2 bedrooms, one bath. Refrigerator, stove, dishwasher, 2 room air conditioners, washer and dyer are included. Apt has wall to wall carpeting and ceiling fans in each room. Front and rear entrances with off street parking in rear. Included are heat, hot water and recycling. $450 per month, plus security. Located on Hazle Street between Stanton and Blackman Street in Wilkes-Barre."
I know where it's at, only about a 3 minute walk from Alicia and Joe's house. 2 seconds from Jen's place, cheap, madddd appliances, and the only thing we'd really have to pay for as far as utilities go is electric and our cellphones.
So...I called the number and talked to the lady, Helen, and set up a time for Liz and her mom to go look at it tomorrow. Yeah, it's soon, and no I don't really know how it'd work out just yet but I think the first step is to show my mom that I am serious about moving out.
I hate being dependent on a parent and I really don't feel like an adult right now. I still feel like a high school drop out bum living with my mom doing nothing with my life. If mom would wrap up my driving "lessons" and basically just teach me to parrallel park and do some more highway driving I'll be good. I can go up to PA get my permit again, go to a free clinic, get a physical and then go get my license without the expense of driving school and having to wait until June.
I probably am getting my hopes up, I'm probably counting on this way too much. But...I'm just miserable, I hate feeling so lonely and depressed all the time. I know mom and Randy probably won't help me out at all which makes me feel a bit worse but at this point, with how little they've helped me out, I don't expect it and if they did offer to help me out I'd be dumbfounded.
It's just time for me to pick up my life and do something, stop wasting time and worrying about what other people think are bad ideas. Sure, WB isn't my ideal location, it's not as if I want to live there forever...that's definitely not my plan but it's cheap and right now cheap is a huge factor.
Other than all ^^^^ that, things are boring. I took shrooms on Tuesday...which was...wow. Hah. Intense, I wish I hadn't been alone but it's ok. I had a good time. =)
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I never find the drive to write in here anymore, it's not that I don't have the time because believe me...time is the only thing I really have anymore. >.>
So, at the end of March with much of a hardtime keeping it a secret I went to WB and visited Alicia and Lizziekins. Joe, Magin and Sammie were in on it but Alicia and Liz were completely clueless. My bus got fucked up coming up there too so I didn't end up getting there until midnight, then I had to wait for Sammie who was meeting me there. Of course, she was late only by like 15 minutes but it was fucking cold. Heh. We took a cab up to Joe's and I called the house and gave him the "secret word". I've never seen Alicia's jaw drop but when I walked into the room her jaw just dropped and she just sat there on the bed. Haha. She processed to call Joe a sneak for the way he worked to keep her awake that night. The rest of the week was spent hanging around with everyone, I saw Travis and we smoked the whole time purrrrrty much. I have no idea how I managed to get home considering that Liz had just gotten her xannies. She gave me 4 and then 2 more, so me being a dumbass and having no experience with xannies (I thought they'd affect me like Vics, I'd still be completely conscious of what I was doing). I ended up totally blacking out after boarding my bus...I seriously have no recolection of how I got home and what I might've done while I was on the bus. I remember my MP3 player dying and switching over to music on my phone but I don't even remember my mom picking me up. But I got home safely so...yeah, weiiiiiiird fucking experience.
Since then I've been doing nothing. I've gotten completely fed up with working for Sarah and Desmond but I don't really think I have the oppurtunity to quit considering how bad the economy is right now. But I gave Liz THE WORD which is the say so that I really am going to move back just for the time being because...I can't stand being away from the people that I consider family to me. I just can't stand it anymore. I haven't made any friends here and I'm just tired of living here. It's a nice area but at this point in time, it's not the right place for me. I'm constantly depressed, bored and just fucking pissed.
The only up side about things lately is that I joined Planet Fitness which since doing so (2 weeks ago) I've worked out 9 out of 14 days. I run a mile every day at the gym and though I don't do a fast mile, I do work on it and I've lowered my starting mile time significantly. The first time I did it, I walked half/ran half, my time was about 15 mins 20ish seconds. Today I did a mile in 13 minutes and 32 seconds. The quickest mile I've done was 13 minutes and 23 seconds. =) Plus I do weights and eliptical everyday as well. It feels nice to work out and really work on getting thinner but I can't say that I'm truely doing it just for my health.
Health is the main point, sure, but there are several other factors that are playing into it. With how financially...well I'm not really financally set yet but if I join SuicideGirls, other than fulfilling my desire to be one, they pay you...$500/$600 a set. Plus so many SuicideGirls get other gigs from doing it. Tattoo magazines and just little other modeling jobs, I won't say that the money isn't encouraging me. The other factor aside from that playing in is...I'm so sick of being fucking single. I always said that I'm a kind of relationship person, I really like having a girlfriend...even just to have someone to talk to who's on my level. Looking thinner/better can't hurt my chances at getting a new girlfriend. *shrugs* It's the only thing right now that I'm a bit passionate about, getting in shape I mean, not desperately looking for a girlfriend. Heh, that'd sound so pathetic.
I'm stressed lately and I think it effects a lot of things with me lately but I don't really want to complain about it, I'm just hoping that within the next couple months (with me getting my license, and moving out) that things seem to come together for me a bit more than they are right now.
Oh! And on May 8th James is touching up some of the color on my tattoo and I'll be getting my venoms!!!!! That's another thing that the whole SuicideGirls thing is encouraging me to do...work on getting more of my body mods done. The ones that I've really wanted for a long time. My venoms are first and I think next will be either my vertical labret or my nippies. =) I'm stoked, that will be a day that I do actually right here in. I shall photowhore my heart out!
^^^ This is why I wanna move back up there...Triple L (Lellie, Liz, Leech.) - Mood:thoughtful
- Music:Type O Negative- She Burned Me Down
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Guess what!!!!
Lobies are at 00g now!
Hooooooooooray.
Heh.
< /end pointless blog > | |
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Wake up.
Get dressed.
Put in contacts.
Drink a bottle of water.
Take the dog out for a walk.
Come inside
Blast Jay Z The Black Album
Smoke a cigarette and a bowl.
this is a good start to my day.
*DOES THE ETHNIC DANCE* - Mood:cheerful
- Music:Jay Z- Dirt on my shoulders
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There's isn't much to update about. I've been working like usual and now that tax season is here Randy has asked me if I wanted to work for him on my days off making $10 an hour under the table. Which with everything I need to save up for; 1. A car/license. 2. Trip to WB, to visit my lovvies. 3. An ounce of weed. 4. 3 $75(per class) courses at the Red Cross. 5. Summer roadtrip. Yeah, I could really use the extra $160 a week. So I worked today for him and I'll be working Monday's and Friday's for now on until April 15th. Marni and I are supposed to be hanging out this Friday, I'm trying to get a hold of some shrooms again and hopefully I'll have my ounce by then as well. I also got my grinder( www.instapark.com/category/everything-else/gd-bullet.php)in the mail on Saturday so I'm anxious to use it. Also...Sammie and I are talking again I guess. She IMed me the other day on AIM and since then we've talked on the phone (this was last night) and have talked the past 3 nights online. We haven't talked about anything from the past, at this point I don't want to bring it up unless we keep talking more and more regularly. I don't want to say anything that will ruin whatever it is that we might get to. She told me that she has missed me, that she and Darlene are breaking up and that she's looking to get her own apartment. And she said that when I come to visit she'd like to see me...everyday that I'm there. I guess I've been flirting but she hasn't been too shy about it either. I dunno, I'm glad that we're talking again because I've missed her. | |
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I tripped on shrooms on Sunday night. I bought an eighth, had about 2 bowl packers of some pretty dank weed and a pack of cigarettes to get me through the night. I ate about half the eighth to start but they seemed to take awhile to kick in, by 1:30 I had chowed down the rest of them. It wasn't as intense as I had expected, I've had harder DXM trips but it was a more humbling and earthly trip. Instead of being focused on me I felt a lot more in tune with what was around me and how I can improve my life to help those around me, whereas acid was more of a self exploration trip. I think it would've been a lot better had I been with someone else and in a less dull environment. But I did watch Ocean's Thirteen while I started to trip and it was GREAT! I don't know why but it was just a really good movie to watch. The weed helped a lot, I wish I had had more to smoke, I think that was also a factor in it being a lot less intense than I imagined. But I'm buying an ounce for myself this week hopefully and I'll see about getting another eighth and try again. =D
Also I bought my first grinder and I got new plugs, labret stud(so that I can do my monroe), CBRs(for my septum and ears) and a horseshoe coming in the mail this week. - Music:The Fray- You Found Me
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Lissy came home for the weekend but I didn't get to spend a lot of time with her due to work. Sunday was crazy and a bit ridiculous, leaving me and Chris with a 10+ item prep list for tomorrow. Ugh. But Randy sent off my tax return and told me I should be getting about $620 back, which will be good after all the money I spent when my lovvies came to visit. Heh.
I pierced my septum on Friday, no picture yet since I have a barbell in it and I'm going to be waiting until I can get a CBR. It was probably the second worse piercing I've given myself second to my rook. Meh. >.> It's healing up ok though, I think. It's real crooked though, higher on the left than the right but Leech told me hers is crooked too. *shrugs*
I've started to work out again, I've become so sick of how I look lately. And with the weather getting nice again(at least this past weekend it's been lovely) I really want to start going back to the gym and going up to the track. By the summer I'd like to be down 20 pounds at least and maybe get some dread maintanance done too over the summer. - Mood:awake
- Music:Blue Oyster Cult- Don't Fear the Reaper
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Work is really getting to me, too much of a routine for me isn't good. I get antsy and annoyed but I don't have much of a choice since I blew through most of my money this past weekend. Alicia, Liz and June came to visit me from Thursday until Sunday. I ended up getting Alicia her very first tattoo which cost me $150 on top of the $300 for the color getting done on my arm. I really love how both turned out though, my half sleeve is AMAZING. I absolutely love it, it's flaking and scabbing right now but I know once it all heals up it'll look gorgeous. Also I have Kitty starting on my next tattoo which is going between my shoulder blades I think. =) Alicia got the flower from one of the Stone Temple Pilot cds that she's been wanting forever, it suits her. They're small, on her wrists which I think is smart since that's a sensitive spot. It was just nice to see her really happy and excited about something for once. I gauged my ears up to a 0g too and I kinda swallowed my tongue ball and barbell so I'm just going to let it heal up and treat myself to venoms later in the year. My tongue feels really weird and light though, it's odd not to have a heavy barbell in there. I'm going to be piercing my septum sometime soon and I'm thinking about re-doing my monroe. =D Yeah, I'm on a piercing frenzie pretty much.
 {Leesh's STP flowers}
In March I'm going to be going up to WB for maybe 4-5 days. Oh! And I'm getting shrooms this week hopefully. I can get an eighth for $35 and apperently they're pretty damned good for the price. But yeah..March, I want to visit and hang with Joe, John, Tara(augen and schiender), and KC too maybe. I've been driving too now so I should have a car and license by my birthday so you can bet that there's gonna be an August roadtrip to the beach and wherever else.
While James was doing my tattoo I was talking to him about how to start off really piercing and such. I told him about how I was already looking into getting my CPR, First Aid and Blood Pathogens courses taken care of at the Red Cross and he told me that if I can get those done and build up a portfolio, maybe take one of those piercing classes like the one in Louisana and California that I found. That I should just skip even trying to get an apprenticeship and just go straight to looking for a real job as a piercer. So if I can get that stuff done this year and possibly have a job as a piercer at a shop by this time next year...that would be amazing. I already am meeting more and more people in the business, which is at least a start here. =) I'm excited about my future.
I just wish my future in appearance was a bit brighter. I really just wish my dreads would grow faster and I could get them to a decent color. And my weight well...I really shouldn't 'wish' anything, I just need to settle down and get on a steady diet and excersize routine. It's just so hard with the cold and not being able to take myself to the gym, I have to rely on when my mom goes and when I have the chance to even go with her. I really want to start cutting down on my portions which I think is one of my hardest things. Ehhh, I just want to be pretty again. I feel like such a fat fucking yeti scum maggot thing. Lol. I really just have no confidence in my looks and it's upsetting because I know I should be more happy with it. I mean, there are uglier people out there.
 =( I wish she was still down here, I felt a lot better about myself with my bestest here. - Mood:nostalgic
- Music:Pink- Sober
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I haven't updated in a long time, as this journal is more for me than anything I don't think it matters too much. The holidays are over and it's back to work, everyday just doing the usual. Sarah has given me I guess what you would normally call a promotion at work. She asked me last night how long I was planning on being with them at the shop and I told her that I'd like to be there for at least a year and that I'm not really sure that I'm really serious about moving back to PA (which I am not anymore). She offered me the oppurtunity to do more of what she does around the shop since she's been working at the White House more and more lately. Therefore I'd be doing more of the main baking things, she wants me to start off learning how to make everything we keep stocked in the bakery display and from there I guess it'll go. I told her I'd love the oppurtunity and if I stay in the area of course I'd like to stay and have the experience under my belt. It's not everyday you get offered to learn from an employee at the White House.
I talked to Liz about it and told her that with all this happening (also Mom & Randy have a place in Canton that Mom has hinted that I could rent) I don't want to move back to a dead beat no man's land of a city. I'm going to be talking to James next time I get a chance about seriously seeing if I can apprenticeship at his shop. Liz didn't really seem upset but more motivated to get the hell outta WB. Which is more than ok with me, the more roommates the merrier.
I've gotten my tattoo and I'm getting the rest of the color done on the 30th. June and Alicia are supposed to come visit me from the 29th until the 1st of Febuary, which I'm reallllly excited about. I told June we should go to the Smithsonian and some other free museums around the area and she also wants to hit up the aquarium. =) Alicia is happy to come too because of course she misses seeing June and she wants to see me as well. Happiness. Hehe. Tomorrow night I'm supposed to be hanging out with some people who I've actually met on my own! *pats self on the back* Brian, Allison(both who I work with) and this girl Emma are all supposed to be going out to chill. I'm excited. Woot. Heh.
Ok, well I'm off for now...maybe I'll updated sometime within the year. =p - Mood:tired
 - Music:The Doors- The Spy.
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So...I've become kinda upset with myself. Today I weighed myself for the first time in months, I don't think I really look that different but I've hit 200lbs. I can't stand that, it makes me so unhappy with myself but I can't work out in this weather, it's too damned cold. When I move to PA I'm getting a gym membership immediately.
I have to call James this week to schedule a time on Monday for my tattoo, Marni said she'd definitely go with as long as it was after 11am. Which is awesome, I'm thinking about possibly getting my labret redone while I'm there. I want to get a vertical instead of the standard labret I have now.
Also. Today I was looking up piercing courses and found two places that have classes. There's one in Louisana that's $1600 for 3 days of just lessons, and piercings. They also give you equipment, a certification and diploma thingy. There's another one in California which is the nicer one I found, they also give you a certificate and such but they offer 3 different levels of study. All three levels of classes are 2 to 5 days long and they offer levels with more intense and exotic piercing lessons. I'd really like to do something like that on top of doing an apprenticeship and taking CPR/First Aid courses.
I'm not going to be coming up for New Years now. Because I don't need to be spending the money, I just don't. I talked to Alicia about it, who I was most worried about being upset, but she understood and she just told me to do whatever I had to do to get myself where I needed to be. Which is in my own place, living on my own getting my shit together. So I'm going to check in with Marni and see what she's going to be up to or maybe I'll just go out on my own somewhere. It can't be worse than hanging out at home eating ice cream being lonely and miserable.
That's all for now. I feel like out of myself lately. Hopefully I snap back soon. - Mood:lonely
 - Music:Kate Nash
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Last night I hung out with Marni. It was really odd...we met up at Ottobar in Baltimore and saw a show of the band who was supposed to come party with us but they didn't. They kinda sucked and Marni's friend Cory was with us and I don't know if she liked me at all. I don't think so. To cut to the chase....I took acid for the first time.
Yeah. 4 hits. Heh. I meant to take two and save the other two but after the first two didn't seem to really do much I ended up just in the moment taking the two other ones.
It was really odd feeling. I didn't actually have any crazy visions or anything, I mean the floor was doing some crazy shit and Marni's front door kept seeming to me to have a shadow cast over it and then it'd go away real quick and come back, just over and over real fast. We watched two movies while I was tripping...first we watched some movie about an art student who gets completely fucked over but it was really realistic. Then we watched Hard Candy which was fucking AMAZING! It was went I was tweekin' that I really had what I consider my 'experience'. I just got really deep and just realized that I really need to truely start living for me and stop even trying in the slightest to care about what my parents wanted for me. I am happy with me and I don't need them.
I've felt really lonely and down about myself and it just really made me realize that I love my life, I may be alone right now but I need to be ok with that. It's going to happen in my life and I need to be ok with that. I dunno.
It's hard to explain but I think I'm finally alright with doing just me. I'mma live my life for me and do all the things I want to and if it's not enough for my mom well then...too bad.
I always saw the wind for the first time...like not seeing the leaves pushed by the wind or anything...I saw the wind and it was really pretty. Along with realizing that I'm a "Type O Hippie", puking up honey wheat prezels, watching guys geek dance to indie pop, chain smoke cigs like no ones business, and somehow managed to not fuck up my make up too bad all the time. I'm a trooper.
I'm so tired though, I have been awake since wednesday morning at 8am so I'mma go get some sleep now.
(PS. All in all, I would do acid again. But with Alicia and definetly a more uplifting environment, I wasn't comfortable with the people I was around which is why I think it was so strange for me. I think it was good for me to feel all those feelings though, it made me feel at peace even if they made me a bit depressed and tweeked out. Acid is alright man.) - Mood:burnt out
- Music:Type O Negative - Love You to Death
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Seriously, June is awesome. I've been trying to figure out all that I have to do with this whole new moving out thing, one big thing was how to get all of my stuff up to PA. Since mom just told me I can take the extra TV and I have my mattress, my arm chair and clothes and stuff...I can't have it all shipped so I need someone with a car who would be willing to get a uhaul hook up thing and drive down, pick me up and then drive back. I talked to June and she said it'd be ok! She's so great. So, that's all done. Leech is gonna come with her and we're gonna get a uhaul and damn it I'mma movin out!
Today is world's AIDS day. =) Hope everyone is healthy. | |
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I never really write anymore. I never actually do much of anything anymore to be quite honest. I've been working a lot and on my days off I've been lazing around a lot too. I actually really unhappy lately, like extremely unhappy...unsatisified and just frusterated with myself and what I've been doing with my life. The only thing I've accomplished within the past couple of weeks is I got a day and price outta James for my tattoo. I already have most of the money saved for my first sitting. I've gained weight...I don't know how much because I refuse to get on a scale but I can feel it and see it. It's really frusterating because it's too cold for me to go outside to excersize and by the time I get out of work I'm too tired to work out at home. I have no motivation to lose weight either, no dating oppurtunities or thin best friends to feel pressured to lose weight by (not because Alicia would ever pressure me to lose weight but I always used to want to be thin ish next to her since she's so damned pretty). Good news though...
I've decided to move out next March/April back to wilkes barre. Alicia's mom said I can stay with her until I can get a job and my own house. Liz is seriously talking to me about moving in with me if she has a job and Alicia is thinking about it if she can get a job soon. I'm really excited but kinda scared...not too much though. I know that if I don't move out now I won't get around to it and I'll be that kid who lives with her parents forever. I don't want to be that. So I'm just gonna bite the bullet and move out. Rough it maybe but whatever. I'm good at wingin' it.
Also I talked to Helen (my godmother who is fuckin' RAD) and she's encouraging me (and offering to help me pay for it) to come to Sweden next fall. She wants me to save up as much as I can and let her know so she could help me out a bit with a plane ticket and whatnot. I'd love to go for 2-3 weeks so I can meet all my family and explore. Maybe hop onto a boat to Scotland and check out some crazy haunted cemetaries or something. I'm trying to convince Leech to come with me, it would make it even better. =D - Mood:bored
- Music:The Doors- The Soft Parade
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